Top 10 Things Obama Won't Say at the Job Summit (But Should!)

From the home office in Villa Rica, Georgia (with apologies to David Letterman):

10. We are delaying healthcare reform until the economy is better. Even then it won't include a public option or a government takeover.

9. We realize that cap-and-trade is a hugely expensive and an ineffective solution to global warming, therefore we are going to table this measure and seek alternatives.

8. The last eight years really weren't so bad.

7. As Henry David Thoreau said, "that government is best which governs least."

6. The stimulus didn't stimulate anything except voter anger, so we won't try another spending bill.

5. The only jobs that the government can create are government jobs, so we are going to get out of the way of business.

4. Like individuals and families, we realize that our nation cannot spend its way to prosperity.

3. I just finished reading Atlas Shrugged.

2. I'm doing my part to create jobs for hardworking Carolina tobacco farmers.

And the number one thing that you won't hear President Obama say at the jobs summit:

1. Read my lips: No new taxes!